Posted by: hopeofanotherworld | May 31, 2008

After some self-contemplation

A part of me wants to stay “unattached” so I can wander the world forever, not worry about someone wanting to go where I want to go, and not worry about being in situations that could be dangerous for a girl.  I could handle a spouse being killed much, much better than being raped…I would go insane if the second happened, would never forgive myself, and would, probably, instead of forgiving the ones who did it, would try to kill them.  Another part of me wants noting more than to be “attached,” hmm, perhaps “joined as one” with someone is a more accurate thing to say.  Sometimes there is nothing I want more than to have someone lie by my side as they sleep, someone close enough that I can feel their lungs taking in air and pushing it out, close enough to feel their heartbeat as they rest.  You see, though I have not read “The 5 Love Languages,” or whatever it is called, I know one of the ways I most like to give and receive love is through touch.  One thing I have noticed in my life is that all of my closest friends are people whom touch quite often; we almost always hug on greeting and saying goodbye, we pat, or, in one particular unique friend’s case, in greeting he tries to eat your shoulder if he knows you well enough (did I mention that I and most of my friends have more than our fair share of oddities?…and I love each of them more because of those oddities and them the same with me, I think).
Another reason I wish to share my life with someone is for that very reason, I love to share.  In a sense, I’m still very much the little kid who finds a rock and runs to show it to his mommy.  I see the sunset and wish to have those I care about see it with their eyes (which is maybe why I take so many pictures of sunsets), I behold a beautiful flower and pick for one I love (whether I love them romantically or not), I bake and want to share the product of my hands.  I want to share the small delights in my life.  For now, I am so thankful I have friends with whom I can sometimes share those small delights and that they get as excited or sometimes even more excited about them than I am.
I will end by saying, a part of me is content, I have things I want to do and places I want to go but, hopefully, someday, I wish to be able to say “WE have places WE want to go and things WE want to do.”


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